Feebs has crossed the rainbow bridge. I’m heartbroken. But I know I did all I could to give her a good life.
Right now I’m in a robot mode, dealing with my grief through logic and overthinking. IDK if it’s the best time to write, but (a) I don’t want to go weeks without saying anything here, and b) I wanted to share what I learned about congestive heart failure, because I couldn’t find great info myself when we were going through this.
What to expect with Vetmedin (or what happened to us anyway)
When our vet first prescribed Vetmedin, she didn’t know how long it might extend Feebee’s life. Dogs at her stage and size might live six months, maybe year, maybe half again with the medicine. One thing the vet was pretty sure of: this medicine would improve the time Feebs had left. So instead of a long, slow decline, we’d have more quality time followed by a sudden drop.
That’s exactly what we experienced.
When she was diagnosed in September 2023, Feebs had a murmur you could hear without a stethescope, and her heart had already restructured. Her sweet heart worked especially anytime she heard people coming up the stairwell for my condo, sending her into a panic.
So I packed everything up and chased a dream of checking out rural New England. I rented a farm so Feebs could have a little more peace and quiet, then packed up and crossed the country. And what a grand adventure we’ve had. Two years later, even though we’d eventually had to add diuretics, Feebs still had the energy to run and play.
Then, rather suddenly, she didn’t.
End stages of Congestive Heart Failure
We increased doses and saw just a little relief, then that fell off too. Even though she still had good days, then good half-days, in one month I saw a week over week decline, then a day by day decline.
I’d dreamed of Feebs passing in some bucolic New England meadow. Maybe in the snow while she was playing. But apparently CHF doesn’t tend to kind endings, and while she wasn’t suffering full time, her bad moments were getting longer, worse, and closer together.
Decline looked like:
- faster breathing
- more heart-pounding
- a lot more coughing
- longer coughing fits
- her gums looking a little paler after a fit
And yeah, her resting breathing rate had gone from high teens, to mid-20s, then suddenly spiking up around 36. It was off and on, though. I didn’t know what to think. Feebs would have a coughing fit then go find a toy and engage me to play with her.
I could just see that on overall, things were going downhill fast. I take a ton of videos and photos. I post just a fraction of them. They’re mostly for me, and I could see for myself a big difference.
So I found a doctor who could work with us in a meadow, and set a date. Then I proceeded to fret every single day as to whether there was anything else we could do, or whether I was letting her go too early. I even called Chewy’s pharmacy at 1am one night just to be sure I was giving her the right doses. Bless them for their patience.
By the day of our appointment, it was obviously not too early at all. I posted this video to remind myself and the couple of friends who follow her that we let go at the right time. If you want to see what CHF can look like, it’s one example; I have more & am happy to share and help if your dog is dealing with heart failure.
Near the end, I was starting to call Feebs my little choo-choo train, because she’d patter along behind me, huffing and puffing as she went. I’d tried to tell her to stay, that I was just walking into the other room and would be right back, but I guess she missed me too much.
And now I miss her so much. But I don’t miss her suffering. I’ll love her forever, and I think this was the most loving thing I could do for her.
And now I’m emotional again. 💔 So I used a lovely ending credits song in this goodbye video. Here are the lyrics to Love Like You, by Rebecca Sugar:
If I could begin to be
Half of what you think of me
I could do about anything
I could even learn how to loveWhen I see the way you act
Wondering when I’m coming back
I could do about anything
I could even learn how to love like youI always thought I might be bad
Now I’m sure that it’s true
‘Cause I think you’re so good
And I’m nothing like youLook at you go
I just adore you
I wish that I knew
What makes you think I’m so specialIf I could begin to do
Something that does right by you
I would do about anything
I would even learn how to loveWhen I see the way you look
Shaken by how long it took
I could do about anything
I could even learn how to love like youLove like you
Love me like you
Her love changed me. And I hope my love gave her a happier life. I think it did.
Feebee the Dog 
Leave a comment